This past year has changed me. Not completely, but quite a lot. I’ve turned into a really mean person. I’ve always been the kind who talks a lot, and can’t control what comes out of their mouth. It’s not because I like hurting people, or putting them down, or anything of the sort. I just have this habit of being really straightforward. Yeah, I know there are better ways to tell the harsh truth to people, but it’s something I’ve never really bothered about. I know I hurt people with my words, and I feel bad about it, but I can’t really help myself. It took a few of the people closest to me to make me realize how “mean and indifferent and inconsiderate” I actually have become, and how I’ve been hurting a lot of people just by my words, even though I don’t intend to.
That realization got me thinking. What happened in my life that made me this way? I was always the cheery kind (I still am), I was always the one to put a smile on others’ faces, and I never really said impolite/disrespectful things to people (as often as I do now, at least). I didn’t have a rough childhood where I was bullied or ragged or anything, but there was this one stage in my school life that I found particularly difficult to adjust with. I had to make new friends that year. And they were really nice people, but it was like I had to go through this sort of initiation process (or at least that’s what I’d like to think of it) where they’d make jokes or pass rude comments about me. It wasn’t just me, though; they were like that for everyone else who wasn’t a part of their group, which was some sort of consolation for me. It was one rough year for me; I actually grew accustomed to all of it, and eventually they stopped, because it didn’t affect me anymore. Now when I think back to it, they actually weren’t mean at all. I just wasn’t used to being laughed at before, and that’s why I took all of it a little too seriously. Once I was a part of their group, I wasn’t exactly like them; in fact I continued to be my normal self. But I think it’s affecting me now. Because I never really had another case like that, where I was mocked or teased or laughed at. I don’t mean to say that I’m taking revenge for all of that hurt; it’s not something that bothers me anymore.
Anyway, I’ve been trying to think of a solution, and the only appropriate one seems to be that I should tone down, and think twice before I speak or pass a comment about someone’s appearance or weird nature, because honestly, I don’t like hurting a person, and bringing them down. I’m not superior to them in any way, and I have no right to do so, and so from now on, I will watch my words, and speak as little as possible, till I finally gain control over what I’m saying.
This post is not only about me personally, but I’m hoping it shows other people out there like me, reading this, that hurting someone because you’ve been hurt by someone else is wrong. Stop and think logically whether all the hurt that you’re causing people takes away the hurt that has been caused to you. It makes no sense to take out your revenge on others for something they haven’t done. Taking revenge, in the first place, is not a solution. I, personally, think it’d be better if you toned down now, rather than waiting until someone you care about tells you how you’ve hurt them unknowingly. Trust me; you don’t want that happening to you.
That’s all I have to say for today. I’ll make sure my next blog isn’t as depressing as this one.