Knowing you

I wish I never knew you.
At least I wouldn’t feel the pain.
The hurt I feel from your silence
The sting whenever you push me away.
The guilt from speaking without thinking
And causing you endless grief and pain.
At least I wouldn’t have to spend nights sobbing
Because things never went right.
I could just crash and sleep with not a care in the world.
Nothing to cry over,
For I never care about anything
So much as to cry over it.

Of course, I’m not being fair.
I left out the moments of inexplicable joy
Of laughing without reason
Causing people to raise questions about my sanity.
Or the moments of comfort
knowing that I am cared for and loved
By a beautiful soul
What more could I ask for, really?
All this I would be deprived of
If I never knew you.
Knowing you is gladness and sadness.
But the beautiful part is,
I love every damn moment of it.

-CF

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