[I know I do this thing where I break my commitment with this blog and fail to be consistent with my posts, and every time I come back I try to justify why I was away. I’m doing this again, but only because my time away is worth blogging about this time.]
My absence wasn’t planned. I didn’t think it would last this long.
Going back to right before I took off, I had been delighted then that for once I was actually posting frequently. I had ideas flowing out of me constantly and I tried to turn whatever I could into something concrete. There were a lot more that never succeeded in seeing the light of day, but my blog was active and I was happy. So it wasn’t ever my intention to leave, it just…happened.
I kept scheduling (and rescheduling) dates for my return to this happy little place, where I could just forget about my worries, let myself loose and express myself, whether or not I was being heard.
It’s not that I didn’t have ideas; I had plenty. I just got so caught up with life and routines that I couldn’t seem to make time for things that I truly enjoyed doing, something that all of us struggle with every now and then. I tried to fight it several times by making a conscious effort to bring this blog back to life, but evidently I didn’t succeed.
Words have always been my closest friend, and naturally it was a rough time – not being able to have my way with words. Instead of letting it bring me down, though, I tried to make that hiatus seem less forced and diminished the negative effect it was having on me by revelling in my surroundings. Sure, I felt cloistered for a while initially and struggled to just be content with myself, but eventually I was able to turn that around.
And so, in my time away, I learnt a lot of things and had a lot of experiences that may not have “changed me” per se, but they’ve definitely impacted me deeply enough to help me change my outlook towards many things.
Most significant of all, I learnt how important and how useful it is to learn from the people around you. I’ve heard this throughout my life time and again, but I never genuinely put it into practice. I did pick up a few things from a few people in my life, but only recently have I begun to accept the idea that every individual – no matter where they come from, who they are to you, whether big or small, with/without experience – has something that one can learn from. Everyone goes through different kinds of life experiences, everyone perceives the world and situations in life differently and most times, all we need to deal with a given situation is a fresh perspective.
I’ve also learnt that no matter how crappy a person may seem, there’s always something to love about them.
Consequently, I’ve become more appreciative of the people in my life and more sensitive towards them. This has, in a way, brought me closer to people and helped me understand and care for them in a way they would like to be understood and cared about. It’s not easy, especially since I’ve always preferred being by myself and pushing everyone else away, but I consciously try to make the effort. I visited an old age home a few times in this period and I realised that I was actually capable of making people happy, if only I thought lesser about myself and tried a little harder.
I also closed the chapter on my eighteenth year in this world – it was a crazy, wonderful year – and I’m still trying to grasp the fact that I’m actually nineteen years old. Adulting and responsibilities and life decisions need to be made and ahhh, this is all so stressful!…is how I would react prior to this hiatus. However, with the help of some wonderful friends (if you can’t find any, you could always watch this) I’ve learnt to actually keep calm and stress less. This whole growing up thing definitely has me overwhelmed, but I think I’m only now beginning to learn the significance of little things. Things that I might have come across as a child which seemed unimportant to me then but make perfect sense now.
Going away helped me take away the undue focus I was placing upon myself, and helped me actually open my eyes to the world around me. It made me reconsider my decision to blog several times, but deep down, I know that no matter how much I may change as a person, words (more specifically, penning down words) will always be my favourite escape. I had a wonderful process of discovering myself and people around me, but I’ve missed this place greatly, and it makes me so happy to finally be able to write this down. I guess I made it through my ‘rough patch’. Looking back, though, I don’t think it was a rough patch at all, and I could well consider it one of the best phases of my life thus far.
P.S.: I’m sorry, those of you who clicked the link and were made to watch that video, but it cheered me up and I thought it’d be nice to spread it around. ish. 😛