Bad Habit

I know, I know.

Just because something is made available to me, doesn’t mean I ought to avail of it.

A bad habit,Β haven’t we all had one at some point?

I’m talking in particular about the very worst one; the indulgence of which brings you physical/mental pain, but you just. cannot. stop.

 

So anyway. I indulge.

A little poking and prodding could do no harm, surely?

Of course, I’m fine the whole time.

Probably even for a while later.

Obviously I can’t see the wound forming internally.

No no, it’s not hurt or pain.

It’s the wound that pushes me to do it again and again.

Like battle scars.

Except, it’s not exactly something to be proud of.

Being the person that I am, I push my luck.

I toy with it until it slowly, but completely, consumes my thoughts.

It proceeds to take over my being, instantly changing my mood.

I continue to remain oblivious,

Wondering (along with everyone else around me) about the sudden change.

The effect eventually dies away,

Having lasted as long as I let it.

Normality is restored.

…Until I choose to indulge again.

Didn’t I learn from last time?

Ah, but this time I’ve convinced myself it cannot harm me –

It did its damage the last time.

I struggle to believe the lie as it comes out of my mouth,

So I push it away, and go ahead with it.

What’s the worst that could happen?

Thus, the cycle is recommenced.

 

This process is repeated over and over,

Defeating you each time.

 

You see,

It’s human nature and we all go through it.

If you can’t break the habit,

The habit WILL break you.

 

-CF

 

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