(dis)abilities and broken dreams

She wanted to be brilliant. In her own eyes.

Her ability to see the good in people (no matter how tough that got sometimes) only made her fall in love with different things about different people all the time.

While some might have considered it a good thing (and indeed it is; beautiful, even), they failed to see that the same ability caused her to feel worthless and “not good enough”, only because she could never successfully look for the good within herself. She could never consider herself on par with their so-called brilliance. She could never find anything she was so passionate about so as to be defined by the burning intensity and urgency in her actions and the bags under her eyes caused by sleepless nights of toiling to achieve her goals. Oh, she had bags under her eyes, alright. But that was from all those nights she stayed up feeling insecure about herself, comparing herself to everyone she knew in her life.

She loved it, though – finding the single most motivating force in a person’s life. They inspired her. But she didn’t ever thinkΒ of herself as having the capability and skills to match up to them. And so she gave up, before even giving it a try.

[[People always talk about taking your weakness and making it a strength. I had a fleeting thought about the situation in reverse, i.e. having a strength which is also your weakness, and hence the post.]]

-CF

 

 

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