[Hehe, I’m quite happy with that title, because I (not-so-)subtly incorporated one of my all-time favourite TV shows – Lie to Me. I also copied (it’s called inspiration, okay) the latter half from AIB‘s honest series, but I thought this was just apt for my post.]
My life was interrupted by this blog post. But, but. If I’m being completely honest, what even is life, amirite?!
Anyway. This is an honest post about honesty, and it’s not just one of those posts about how “honesty is the best policy” and all; it’s about why honesty matters. To me. Those easily offended (but this is not even going to be offensive) – I mean, those allergic to being honest – can avoid reading this.
I’ve been a little too obsessed with honesty for some amount of years now – I don’t know exactly when, but I’m guessing it was around the time I stood up for myself and realised I didn’t have place for bullshit and fake compliments and gestures in my relationships. So when it struck me that I hated being fake or being lied to, I realised I ought to treat the people in my life in the same way to at least be able to expect the same in return. [A lot of the time I’ve used “brutal honesty” as my excuse to be mean to people, and I’ll admit, I overdid it there.]
Honesty, to me, is one of THE most important things in any relationship in my life. I absolutely cannot stand being lied to, because that, I think, defeats the whole purpose of even having some sort of relationship with that person. I wouldn’t lie to someone who lies to me because I believe in being honest, but I wouldn’t quite appreciate that person’s role in my life too much.
Of course, in saying this, I’ll also admit there are times that I too lie (or just avoid saying anything at all), because telling the truth wouldn’t exactly be wise in that situation. This could be because I’m afraid to hurt the person (this is very different from cowardice – this is actually caring and considering how the other person would feel), and this usually happens when that person doesn’t quite appreciate honesty as much as I do, and would rather be comforted with a lie. I know what you’re thinking, I should stand up for what I believe in. But truth be told, there are a lot of people out there (even me, at times) who’d rather be comforted with a lie than be made to face reality with the hard-hitting truth.
White lies, I accept. They’re still lies, I know, but it’s not easy for anyone to always be completely honest.
You may think I’m just lecturing around and trying to be a miss goody two-shoes with my holier-than-thou attitude and all, but allow me to tell you WHY I place so much of importance on honesty in relationships. I have a few (less than a handful, really) relationships in my life which, I can safely say, are completely and truly honest and genuine. I absolutely enjoy these relationships because there is that level of comfort around these people. I know that I can say whatever I have to and not be judged; and even if I do get judged, I know I can count on them for their honest opinion. I hold these relationships and these people in so much higher regard than the rest because it’s not really easy to tell the truth, especially when it could hurt the other person. You may think it unfair, but to me, I think that’s how a relationship should really be – you should never have to think twice before saying something (it’s all cool even with my tendency to be rather inappropriate and inconsiderate sometimes), you can pay them compliments without them questioning or wondering if there’s an ulterior motive, you can always count on their honest opinion when you really need it, you know you can blindly trust this person and more importantly, they can trust you in return, and very few things compare to the feeling as when you find out someone actually trusts you. Of course, when I say this, I don’t mean that my other relationships are fake and filled with lies. I hold this honest attitude towards all of my relationships; there are just things I avoid telling other people because I know they wouldn’t appreciate – or even like – it too much.
I insist on honesty not because I’m trying to be saintly or trying to do what is right. I think honesty is one of the most underestimated values in relationships and in general. I can only imagine a world where everyone gives as much importance to honesty as I do – how wonderful it’d be, indeed, to have that level of comfort in all of my relationships, with complete clarity and absolutely no awkwardness and misunderstanding. I can only imagine.
To you lot who are always honest with me, no matter how hard it may be for you, and for always appreciating my honesty. You know who you are. Thank you.