The Sound of Sirens

I wake up, draw the curtains, breathe in a new day.
I’m greeted by familiar sounds: the pleasant, chirping birds accompanying the less-pleasant, urgent ambulance siren.
New day, new ‘normal.’

I try to get about with my day anyway.
I check my phone, more numbers and stats stare me in the face.
I scroll quickly, past strangers’ requests for a place to rest — both temporarily and permanently.
The urge to do something, anything is overwhelming-
Another blaring ambulance siren passes by.

I look out the window — an empty street with a lone pedestrian/vehicle, and stray furries for company.
I miss the crowd — until I see pictures of reckless, nonchalant crowding at events and the burning rage reminds me how much I hate crowds.
An ambulance siren — I heave a sigh of relief since it’s distant, as if that somehow makes it better.

I go back to social media (I never learn, do I?) — more cries for help and SOS messages flood my feed.
It’s exhausting — but then I see a doctor nursing a 2-month old baby and suddenly, I’m embarrassed for feeling that way.

Dusk comes around, and with it, the outdoors turns even quieter, asleep.
A stark contrast to the chaos in my mind — so loud, so awake, so relentless.

I lay my body to sleep, when I suddenly realise-
I haven’t heard the sirens in a while.
Or have I?
Who knows anymore — they feel like incessant background noise.

A familiar feeling of defeat and anguish sweep over me.

Tomorrow, we’ll try again.

:cf